Mornings!!!

     I'm here in my happy place.  Watching Mad Men (I re-started it because I just love it so much.) and diddling on the computer writing this blog and doing some Young Living stuff.  The only thing missing is Ryan, but he is spending some time with his dad, so I'm glad he gets to do that.  It is nice to have a quiet house and my choice of Netflix shows though!
     The topic of this post, as you may have noticed, is mornings!  I don't know about you, but I am deeply opposed to early morning activity.  I don't like early morning workouts or early morning quiet times or early morning chores or tasks. I have always been a night owl.  Even if I get little sleep, I get a surge of energy around 9pm, and I rarely go to bed before midnight.  While I do greatly enjoy this time to hang out with Ryan or be productive, it becomes a problem during the school year because it makes it hard for me to get up in plenty of time to get the girls off to school.
     One of my resolutions this year is to do a better job at mornings.  Meaning, I need to get up so that the girls have plenty of time to eat and get ready without me rushing them.  So much of the morning stress stems from me hurrying them along.  They are slow, to my credit, but I am learning that I simply cannot make them move faster.  At least not at this age.  All the rushing and badgering does nothing except stress me out and make them frantic.  So, since school starts at 8:40, I have to make sure we are all up by 7:30 or so.  This, unfortunately, means that I really need to go to be by 11-11:30.  Booooo.
     One new addition to our school mornings this year is essential oils!  I'm so excited to include this in our routine, especially as cold and flu season approaches.  I'm planning on using our immunity roller with thieves in it on the girls feet/spine each morning to support strong immune systems.  I'm also excited so see how this whole emotional support side of oils cuts it during the dire time that is 10 minutes before we get out the door.  Someone is always crying.  Someone is always lagging.  Someone is always looking for something.  I am ALWAYS stressed.  I'm gonna use stress away and/or peace and calming in the diffuser and topically to hopefully take that down a notch.  My reaction is usually the biggest problem in the mornings because it fuels their reactions.  Likewise, it can be the biggest solution too! If I keep my calm, they are much better to deal with--usually. Ha!
   
    Another thing I want to improve about mornings is better breakfasts.  I've gotten pretty lazy about breakfast choices.  They usually have toast or cereal and smoothies and/or fruit.  Since they have SUCH a short lunch at school, I am determined to pack plenty of calories and nutrients into their breakfasts to make up for the lame lunch.  Sophie is a super slow eater.  They have 20 minutes to eat, including standing in line for food if they buy their lunch.  Even when I pack her lunch, she always comes home with more than half her food left.  I digress.  Anyway, tonight, the girls and I perused Pinterest to find some healthy breakfast ideas.  They aren't big egg eaters, and Ryan is pushing us all toward a totally vegan diet anyway, so I didn't look for those kinds of breakfast ideas.  Here's a few things we found.

These look cool!  I introduced these as monster muffins instead of spinach muffins.  Haha!  I might change the sugar amount in these, but otherwise, pretty healthy.
http://www.messforless.net/spinach-muffin-recipe-food-fun-friday/

We made theses tonight, and the girls approved! I don't have a donut maker, but we just baked them in the oven in donut shapes.

https://www.fearlessdining.com/gluten-free-healthy-breakfast-donuts/

I didn't know how enthusiastic they'd be about these, but they all said they'd like to try it.

http://paleoeatsandtreats.com/apple-cookies/#sthash.E87Vm83u.wkcnpyNB.dpbs

Yum!

https://wholefully.com/8-classic-overnight-oats-recipes-you-should-try/

Gonna try making this with coconut cream instead of yogurt.

http://lifemadesweeter.com/2017/05/fruit-pizza/

This is one I can get on board with.  Super simple.  Even better with Nutella!

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202099102012027236/

I love that these have chickpeas in them!  Extra protein is always good. By the way, this girl's blog is AMAZING.  I discovered it a few years ago.  She has healthy versions of all kinds of desserts and they are actually good!

http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2016/04/04/flourless-blender-muffins-banana-vegan/

These look yummy!  And sounds like they'd be a great toddler/baby food too!

https://healthylittlefoodies.com/blueberry-breakfast-balls/

If anyone has any tips they'd like to share to help our mornings run smoother, please send them my way!!

Back again!

 Well, my last effort to bring my blog back to life died fairly quickly, but I'm hoping to stick it out this time around.  I just love being able to go back and read all the details in the older posts that I might have forgotten otherwise.  Not to mention, writing/blogging is one of my few "hobbies" since becoming a mom.  It seems all the time is taken up with obligations for so many years, that once you finally do find you have a little free time here and there, you've forgotten what you even like to do, right?   For my first post, I just wanted to share some pictures and random thoughts that have collected over the past year.

Who knew dixie cups could provide so much entertainment?

                            

This is the most recent picture I have of all four girls.  They are just getting so big, I can't believe it!

We went peach picking!

Costco--no caption necessary.  I'm obsessed.

Ryan found the girls sleeping like this at their grandparents' house.  So sweet!  They really do love each other dearly.

I couldn't be more thankful for our group of friends we get to see on a weekly basis at church and play group!

This sweet girl.  I just love this picture of her.  She will be in 2nd grade this year and is basically a carbon copy of her dad's personality and tendencies (and looks, though some say otherwise!).

Excitedly awaiting the arrival of their cousins as they watched them get closer to the house on the map app.

The girls are still big book lovers, and they can almost always convince me to read one more at bedtime as I enjoy it just as much!

That time you convince your husband that Lularoe leggings are the bomb!

Sally's birthday at school.  Turns out making a cookie cake is as simple as making one giant cookie on a sheet!

The things we find around the house. . .

Found this one evening when I got home from work.  Sally had requested I put these things in her lunchbox.  I can't say she did a bad job picking stuff out!  She's always been so independent and takes the initiative to make things happen if she wants something.

I realize that's a random assortment of pictures.  These are just some memories I want to look back on.  Stay tuned for more frequent posts!

It's been too long. . .

Well, life has been going a mile a minute, and although I wish I had more time to blog, there are plenty of good things to keep me busy instead.  Here is a list of random recent happenings here at the Lungwitz house.

The babies: (I can still call them that!)

Erin left

Erin

Elise

Erin

Elise front

They are just growing up so quickly.  They just turned 20 months old.They are talking more every day.  Erin calls Elise "yeesh," and they still call Sophie and Sally "Fee Fee" and "Sa Sa." Elise talks, but not quite as vocal as Erin about things.  Their personalities totally remind me of Sophie (for Elise) and Sally (for Erin).  Erin is such a playful, joking, independent, laughing, loud, snuggly, emotional, dramatic (we've definitely started the tantrum stage), social little girl.  Elise is more social than Sophie ever was, but doesn't hog the spotlight like Erin does.  I would say she is a lot like Sophie, but not as extreme in her tendencies as Sophie is.  She is more quiet, much more timid about trying new things than Erin (example: She is afraid to swing on our swingset or go down the slide, while Erin loved it the first time she got the chance to try).  She is very sweet and actually very social too.  She isn't afraid to jump in the mix around new kids and actually interacts with others well instead of just playing independently.  They both love blocks, books, playing outside, baths, animals.  They love to put clothes down the laundry shoot.  Tonight, they had an assembly line going.  Elise would bring an item halfway to the bathroom, and Erin would run it the rest of the way and then meet Erin back in the same spot to get the next thing.  They LOVE when either Ryan or I get home from work or the gym or anywhere. I love hearing MA-MA!  They are about 50th percentile on weight and height still.  They eat most foods.  Their favorite by far are "moo-dees" or smoothies.  They just suck those things down.  They just started eating chicken.  So far that and salmon are really the only meats they will eat.  They get plenty of protein though.  They get excited and start shouting, "beans! beans!" when I tell them we are having refried beans.  It is especially sweet to watch them with each other.  They just are always with each other, so they get concerned when the other one is not around for some reason.  They rarely cry at bedtime because if they aren't tired, they will entertain each other for up to several hours before falling asleep.  They sometimes seem aware of each other's needs and will tell me if I need to help the other one for some reason.  They LOVE to give hugs still, and will sit calmly snuggled up with me for several minutes.  I just love it.

Sophie and Sally:

My big girls really do seem like big girls lately.  Sophie will start kindergarten this fall, which makes me nervous and excited for her.  Sally will do half-day pre-k at the same school, and I think she will be in heaven.  I am not nervous about her at all.  Every time I ask Sophie if she is excited about starting kindergarten, she says, "When I go to kindergarten, I will feel very nervous because I am very shy."  Sweet girl.  I hope she gets over those nerves quickly.  She has always been so anxious about things in life.  Just her disposition I guess.  She is still SO interested in all things Jesus/God, and wants to know everything there is to know.  She has also recently decided that she can't wait to be a grownup.  She says, "When I am a grownup, I will do what I want to do!"  It kind of feels good in a way to see her assert some independence and defiance.  I could use a good deal less of that from Sally though. Haha!  Sophie is super sweet. So easy to have around except for the fights and whining usually having to do with her sister.  She also doesn't listen very well, but that is probably normal for her age.  I see a lot of Ryan's tendencies in her.  If she is focusing on an activity or something, it is SO HARD to get her attention.  I could be feet away from her, yelling her name, and it would still take a minimum of 20 seconds for her to even hear me.  On the good side of that, she can focus on something for a loooooong time, which will be helpful to her in school I think.  She loves to read, pretend play (especially with animals), draw, color, paint, and do any kind of craft.
Sally is a spitfire.  Full of sass and personality, as she has been since she was about 2 weeks old.  She is infatuated with all things pink, princess, and sparkly. She loves to play with dolls or dress up.  Loves being outside.  She does everything with a little extra oompf.  Good and bad.  Today, I was telling her what a big girl she was getting to be.  She said, "Yeah, because I'm eating.  I'm eating so I get bigger."  (This was during lunch), which I guess is actually the scientific reason she is getting bigger.  Then she said, "Do you want to see how strong I am?" as she proceeded to flex her muscles. Then she commented, "almost as strong as Jesus," in a very matter of fact tone.  She just cracks me up all day. One minute I am pulling my hair out because of her defiant teenager-esque self, and then the next I am laughing so hard I am in tears.
Ryan recently posted this story on facebook, and it pretty much sums up S and S right now:

"When I tucked Sophie and Sally into their beds just now, Soph wanted me to pray that the storm wouldn't get us. I told her that God is always listening to us and that she could ask Him to do that. I asked if she wanted to pray that, and she said yes, but that she would wait until I left. Sally then asked what she could pray about, so I told her she could pray for other people who were hungry or thirsty or who didn't have a bed to sleep in. She said ok. I told them goodnight, and then, of course, I waited just outside their door to see what they would do. Sophie prayed first, saying, "God, please don't let the storm get us tonight when we sleep. Amen." Sally then proceeded with, "Jesus, can you please give us a pretty pink and purple polka dot dress with stripes on the sleeves and a jewel in the middle, and a golden tiara for our head, and fancy glass slippers, and orange and light blue gloves with flowers on them? Amen." The whole time Sally was praying, I was just trying to keep from laughing so that I wouldn't disturb her, and then as soon as Sally finished, I heard Soph whisper, "I don't want that." Just had to share this"

Me and Ryan:
 We are doing well.  Ryan will be done with school on Friday! Woohoo!  I am really glad for him to have a career that gives him so much time with us.  His year was a tough one (at a new school with a difficult student population at times), and I am really proud of him for his successes despite difficult circumstances.  He is really feeling like next year will be much easier.  

I have been into a fitness kick lately (gotta take advantage while I am feeling motivated!), which has been great.  I started easing back into working out more regularly when the twins were around 1. Then, several months ago, I started being a part of these group fitness challenges that a lady in my MOPS group runs.  They are really cool because they are totally online (convenient), but a great way to give me an extra reason to get a workout in and eat well.  Right now I am doing a 6 week long one.  We each set a goal for the 6 weeks, and then Jen gives us weekly mini goals to meet.  We earn points for  meeting goals and doing other wellness related things throughout the week.  I never thought I was very competitive, but the competition has really motivated me!  The winner of this challenge gets $150, and 2nd and 3rd place also get cash prizes.  Right now I am tied for 1st, so you better believe I am trying my hardest to win!  It has also been neat to get an outsider's perspective on things.  You know, I used to think I was eating well, but when I looked at it closely, there was a lot of room for improvement, and without this challenge, I probably wouldn't have taken a close look.  I realize that, when I prep healthy meals for my family, I feel like I am also eating well, but sometimes I don't eat necessarily what I make for them (especially like kids' lunches and breakfast).  I would cut up a bunch of apples of whatever for them, but then just grab something fast and less healthy for myself ( I mean, really, what is not fast about an apple, but I would just not be thinking about it that much).  So, I have really tried to focus on my OWN nutrition as well as the kids', which is what I should be doing anyway!  So easy to put yourself on the sidelines as a mother, but that isn't good for me and it isn't a good example for my kids either.  On the subject of wellness, I read an article the other day about spiritual wellness and was convicted that I am not really as mindful of my spiritual wellness as I am of my physical wellness.  It seems like I don't have time, but I know that I do.  I can find a few minutes a day to read and pray and just think.  Frankly, I just don't want to sometimes, and I know I just need to be disciplined about it anyway.   I am so anti-legalistic, that I sometimes confuse that part of myself with just plain being lazy about it.  
Ryan and I are feeling the stresses of balancing life with 4 kids and maintaining a healthy marriage.  Not in some kind of catastrophic way, just the day to day things that we all face at this stage of life.  We are learning that we really need to be intentional.  We need to be intentional in our time with each other and our time with the kids.  We decided not to have the tv on unless it was an agreed upon family (or couple) activity.  We also decided to only check social media/email once a day (I have failed at that one lately).  And we also realized we need to be a little more intentional about our time together in the evenings.  While it is nice to veg out to Netflix together, this was becoming a nightly thing.  We didn't really do anything else together.  We want to start reading books together, just talking, or play a game.  Or, God forbid, clean/organize/work on projects together.  Ha!  If anyone has any good parenting/marriage books they recommend we could read together, let me know!

That pretty much sums up life at our house lately!
 

 

The twins are ONE!

Well, I remember going to a first birthday party for a set of twins a year ago when our twins were a month old.  It seemed UNFATHOMABLE that our twins would be one, be sleeping through the night, eating all kinds of food on their own, etc.  But, here we are!  The twins turned one on September 16th.  We actually didn't have a big party for them.  I did that for Sophie, and after that experience, I decided no more until they are old enough to care.  It is just so much work! We just had a family get together for the twins a few weeks later.  We were so excited that Ryan's brother Shane and his family could make it!  These two girls are just beautiful blessings in our lives.  I remember before we ever even knew we were pregnant and I thought that just having Sophie and Sally was great.  I just thought it would be too expensive to have more kids, so the thought of having more never really crossed my mind.  I sometimes asked myself though, if money were no issue, would I want another one?  And sometimes, my answer was yes!  I loved my kids, and there is no doubt another child would be a blessing.  Still, I put the thought aside, because it didn't seem like something I really wanted to pursue.  God knew my heart though, and chose to give us not one, but two more sweet babies.  When I think about all the worry I had before they came about medical bills and just the cost of raising kids, I realize that it was all for nothing.  God has provided for all our needs, and He will continue to do that.  My sister shared with me recently about how she'd been learning that she didn't have to "save up enough grace" from God in case something tragic happens one day.  I realized that I do this.  I try to imagine worse case scenarios and prepare myself mentally for them.  How would I feel?  How would God get me through?  It was as if I were attempting to save enough grace for these future worries that my or may not come to pass, when God already gives me enough grace for each day, just only for that day.  He gives us what we need as we need it to teach us to continue to look to Him.  I don't have to worry about Ebola or my children dying at a young age or God taking me and leaving them without a mother (all things I worry about off and on) because if any of those things were to happen, He would be my (and my children's) sustainer.  I don't have to get myself ready for tragedy because the truth is, I will never be ready for it.  If it happens, the only way I will make it through is by the grace He provides to sustain me through it one day at a time.  After having four kids, my advice to anyone thinking about having another child is, don't let your worry get in the way of your heart's desire. 

Well, on to Erin and Elise and what they are up to!  Their day looks something like this:
8-9 am wake and eat 8 oz bottle and some kind of breakfast food
11:30-12 drink another bottle and down for a nap
 2-3 wake and eat in their high chairs and drink from sippy cups (straws are the best kind for them)
3 drink another bottle
5 dinner in high chair
6:30 drink another bottle
7-7:30 bed

I am SO glad we are down to one nap a day bc it frees us up to get out and do things in the mornings/afternoons.  I remember this transition was hard for me with the other girls because I loved all that naptime since it let me get things done or nap myself.  But now, I am up entertaining s and s anyway, so I would rather be able to get out of the house with everyone so we don't all go crazy.  I definitely feel confident taking all 4 out now on my own.  Still not an easy task, but do-able.

Elise

Elise is still the quiet and calm one, but she surprised me by being the first to say a word other than mama or dada.  She says, "Hi!" and it is so so sweet.  She says it all the time and waves while she says it.  They girls both understand a lot of words, but don't say very many yet.  When you say, "Did you go poopoo?", they both pat their diaper.  They love to play peekaboo and start doing it if they hear, "Where's Erin?" or "Where's Elise?"  They also know bye bye, hi, kitty, bang bang, book, and maybe a few others.  Back to Elise, she is taking a few steps on her own, but isn't full on walking yet.  Her sister beat her on that milestone.  It seems like Elise is the target of a lot of Erin's playful "bullying," if you can call it that.  Erin loves to climb up on Elise's back like Elise is going to take her for a ride (in crawling position), and Elise HATES it.  She cries and cries, and Erin thinks it is so funny.  Both Erin and Elise love to whack each other in the head when the other one is being fed a bottle on the floor.  I very seriously tell them no, but they smile and laugh and do it again.  Stinkers!  Elise still lets Erin do most of the noise making for her if they need to be gotten out of bed or need food on their tray or whatever it is.  Elise makes noise sometimes too, but it is a much more soft, contented type noise.  Though she loves to be around her sister, she seems also content to play on her own for bits of time.  Her favorite toy is probably toilet paper, and her favorite food is smoothies. She weighs 20 lbs. 6 oz (30th percentile) and is 28.5 inches tall (30th percentile).  She has been looking a tad bit bigger to me than Erin lately, and this doctor's visit confirmed it.

Erin

Oh boy, does this girl melt my heart (as do all her sisters).  She is FULL of personality and noise and life!  We have been calling her Sally Jr. for a while because of the strength of her personality and some similarities they share.  She is loud, and she can throw big fits if she is upset about something.  I can now tell the difference between their cries when they are in their rooms (usually) because Erin's is much more angry and unrelenting.  Elise's is just horribly pitiful and desperate.  Erin is a people person (though a major mama's girl), and loves to give hugs.  She will walk up to you and just give you a big leg hug (or regular hug if I am sitting down).  It is so precious.  She loves to look at books and sit in my lap.  She mimics my pointing at things and points and taps at everything in any book.  She seems particularly quick to catch on to things such as mastering new toys or following a simple direction.  She laughs ALL the time, and it is such a unique laugh.  She especially laughs every time we change her diaper.  So funny.  She points at everything and brings me things and says, "Dah?" in an inquisitive tone.  It is like she is asking me what things are.  She has been really walking well for about a week now.  Pretty much 80% of the time, she walks. Both girls are also big climbers, especially Elise.  They were trying to climb up their dresser drawers today, and they LOVE to climb on the couch.  S and S weren't such big climbers, so this is new territory for us.  Erin's favorite toy is a book or toilet paper, and she loves pasta with tomato sauce.  She weighs 19 lbs. 12 oz (25th percentile) and is 28.5 inches tall (30th percentile).  They are both definitely thinning out some, which I guess is because of all their walking and crawling.

Here are a few more pictures

buddies

this cute girls just loves the camera

hitched a ride to bed

Cousin Adri and one of the twins at their little birthday party

Sophie, Grandma, and cousin Tess

Erin mooching off of Uncle Shane

Adri

Tess

an Erin hug

10 months old, and they're only getting sweeter!

Erin

Elise

The twins will actually be 11 months old on August 16th!  Each month goes by so quickly.  These past couple of months have been busy ones for them.

They started crawling around 9.5 months (Erin first, Elise just a day or so later).  At first, Erin had this crawl that resembled a seal flopping around.  She'd lunge forward and then flop down.  So funny.  Now, she crawls normally.

They started drinking bottles unassisted, but only will drink a few ounces before abandoning the bottles for some other nearby distraction.

They started pulling up to standing (no cruising yet) just about a week ago.  Both did it for the first time on the same day.

They babble and talk a lot (especially Erin) and are always saying Dada and Mama about everything.

Their personalities continue to shine through.  A 16 hr. car trip will give you a good idea of a baby's tolerance for discomfort, boredom, etc.  Erin was pretty fussy after a while.  She can be LOUD.  Even when she is just happy.  We have started calling her Sally Jr. because Sally has always been so loud.  Elise rarely fusses or cries.  She has been teething this week, so has been fussier than normal, but usually she is just quiet and sweet and full of smiles.

They really interact with each other a lot more now, and it is so cute.  They fight over toys, and Erin most often seems to be the winner in those battles. 

They learned how to mimic us and will wave and clap back to us.

They are VERY interested in all our food.  They will try most anything, but still don't feed themselves very much in terms of quantity.  The majority of their nutrition still comes from breastmilk.

Speaking of breastmilk, I finally decided to stop pumping (well, I am starting that process anyway--which is NOT FUN!  I am down to 3 pumps a day right now (about an hr. long each), and my body is struggling to make the adjustment. I am so engorged and uncomfortable most of the time that I actually can't wait to pump!).  I have been pumping exclusively since they were about 4 months old.  I am so thankful to have been able to provide them with breastmilk, but it has been a sacrifice.  The main reason I decided to stop was to be able to spend more time with all the girls.  Every day, I spend almost all my time, when I would other wise be able to play with them, sitting on the couch pumping.  People always say, they grow so fast!  Enjoy them while they are little!  I finally realized, they ARE growing so fast and I am NOT getting to enjoy them nearly as much as I want to.  Another month and a half of receiving exclusively breastmilk is not going to make or break anything healthwise.  If I only had the babies, I would continue to pump.  But since I have older kids too, I decided to make the sacrifice for them.  I only have this year before Sophie starts school (tear!).  I am really looking forward to everything we'll be doing together this fall when Ryan starts back to school.  I also pumped exclusively for Sophie since she was born so early and never really learned to breastfeed.  I had to stop when she was 7 months old because I was pregnant with Sally (Breastfeeding can sometimes trigger pre-term labor, and the doctor wanted me to be super cautious since Sophie was born at 25 weeks.  Thankfully, Sally was full term and so were the twins!).  I wish I had some record of how many hours I have spent connected to the pump.  Crazy!

And finally, here is a typical day of theirs:

8:30 wake and eat (8 oz. bottle)

10 or 10:30 nap (sometimes they eat some solid food too before this nap)

12pm wake and eat (8 oz. bottle)

2pm solid food

2:30pm nap

4:30pm wake and eat (8 oz. bottle)

6pm solids

7:30 pm eat (8 oz. bottle)

8 or 8:30 bedtime

Next post for them will be when they turn ONE!  I can't believe it.  I am getting teary about them growing up much more than I did with the first two girls.  They are our last babies.  Sad!

Parenting is hard. Period.

It seems like, when people think of having twins, they think, "It must be twice as hard as one baby, right?"  And in a way, yes, it is twice as hard.  Twice as many bottles, feedings, outfits, carseats, baths, etc.  Two babies are certainly more work than one.  However, I have sensed MUCH more compassion from the general public about what a "trooper" I am and how hard I must work when I am out and about with the twins than when I was a mom of two young children who were only a year apart.  Having two young children just seems much more commonplace, I guess. 

Ever since I had Sally, I wondered to myself, "Would it be easier if they were twins?"  I mean, at least twins are doing the same types of things throughout the day.  But when I wondered that aloud, people generally seemed to think that twins would be harder.  Fast forward 3 years later and, lo and behold, I am pregnant with twins!  Who else could be an expert on this subject than someone who has two kids very close in age (13 months) AND a set of twins.  So, now that the twins have been around for 9 months and are officially mobile, here is my take:

First of all, I have come to realize that there is no definitive answer to my question.  What is hard for one mom might be easy for another.  A mother of triplets might find herself less stressed than a mother of a single baby, depending on the babies and the circumstances.   It all depends on a few things, in my opinion:

Things that make it hard:

-Babies who do not sleep well/sleep through the night by 6 months

Sophie did sleep through the night around 3 months, but Sally didn't until 14 months or so.  I always felt tired.

The twins have slept through the night (at the same time) since around 4 months.  I am SO thankful for this.

-Being a new mom

When you are a new mom, figuring it all out takes trial and error and time.  There is so much to learn and you are always second guessing yourself.  Even though I felt a little more confident as a mom with Sally, I was new to having more than one child to care for at a time.  This was very stressful to me.  I wanted to meet all of their needs perfectly, just like I had with Sophie.  Whatever she needed me to do to help her sleep well, eat well, play happily, I could do.  When there were two, sometimes I couldn't do it all when they needed.

Once the twins came, I felt very confident and had an idea of what I needed to do to be successful at breastfeeding, getting the babies on a predictable routine, and basically multi-tasking all day long.  I knew what it felt like to be so so tired and still have to function.  There was no surprise or shock to it all.  I also didn't feel the level of panic that I had with the first two when the babies were crying or needing something and I couldn't solve the problem right away.

-Having small children/babies who are on completely different schedules

When S and S were little, their naps hardly ever coincided.  If one was sleeping, I was feeding the other one.  When Sally was born, Sophie was still taking a bottle and had hardly started eating much solid food (and was SLOW to transition to table food).  I felt like I never got a break from baby care. 

The twins are on the same schedule and have been since pretty soon after they were born.  I do still have S and S to take care of, but the kinds of needs they have are different from the babies, so I do get a break from all the diapers, bottles, consoling, etc.  I don't ever really get a true break from childcare in general unless someone else is around to help, but by now, it just seems like second nature.

Things that make it easier:

-Having lots of help/support

I always had plenty of help and support after each childbirth for the first little while, but, as is normal, family and friends weren't around as much once the babies got a little older.  I didn't expect them to be, but I still would have appreciated the help (who wouldn't?).

With the twins, my mom came for literally MONTHS before the twins were here and helped me with lots of household projects.  She also stayed for 2 weeks after they were born to help.  It was awesome.  Then, after she left, Ryan had lots of paternity leave.  Once he was back at school, my friend Sarah came 2 days a week to help me all day.  I am beyond blessed to have all of this help and support.  It has made my life dramatically better than it would have been.  Sarah only recently stopped coming on a regular basis, so I had months and months of time where I consistently had another adult around during the day to talk to and to help me with everything at home.  Biggest blessing and gift of someone's time that I have ever received.

-Perspective

Now that I have four kids, and now that I have walked through the baby stage (almost) 3 times with 4 sweet girls, I can really appreciate things in a way I wasn't able to when S and S were little.  Things that used to seem difficult to me now seem like no big deal.  I can treasure the baby things so much more easily than I could before because I know how quickly they will grow.  I still get stressed out--often.  But I can get over it quickly and not let it ruin my day.  One thing that helps my worry and stress is to just remind myself that they belong to the Lord and that He loves them more than I do. 

If you have not been able to deduce the answer so far, then I will tell you:  In my experience, it was a lot harder to have 2 young kids than it is to have twins.  Granted, the twins have been really "good" babies so far, so that has certainly helped.  Sophie was a great baby though, and I still felt so much more stress on a day to day basis than I do with the twins.  So if you ever see a mom with twins and think, "How does she do it?"  Don't worry, she might have it a lot easier than you think!  And on the flipside, if you know a mom who has two young ones, offer her the compassion and support that you would to a mom of twins!

Who, me?

Most of the time, I feel like sometimes my identity is so wrapped up in being a wife and mom, that it is hard for me to even think of myself apart from those titles.  I love being those things, but I sometimes think to myself, "What do I even enjoy doing other than just having a break from the daily routine of taking care of everyone?"  Because right now, I consider any alone time--be it anything from a relaxing spa treatment to a visit to my OB/GYN--something I enjoy! Haha!  Right now, I am finished pumping and I should go to bed, but I just feel like writing a post, and this one is going to be about me!  So, here are some random things about me that you may or may not know:

When I was little, I dreamed of being a veterinarian.  I LOVED animals, especially my dog.  These days, however, I am really not an animal person at all.  I get why people enjoy having pets, but I have NO interest whatsoever in getting a dog.  Ryan really would get one at the drop of a hat, but I am in no need of more responsibilities or messes to clean up.

I feel most loved by acts of service, especially if it is cleaning or cooking or something I would other wise have to do myself.

I believe that prayer is very powerful.  It was very instrumental in the change that took place in my heart shortly after I graduated from high school.  I pray a lot for people around me.  At work, at church, in my family.  Basically the hope of every prayer boils down to the same idea: that whoever I am praying for would know Jesus' love for them and that their life would have new hope and meaning because of that revelation.  And that any difficulty they may be experiencing would somehow draw them closer to Jesus.

 
Every time I go online to routinely check our bank account, I get really nervous until I see the balance pop up because I am scared that someone has stolen our identity/money.  Weird, I know.

I wish there were some way to go back in time and tell myself when I was feeling overwhelmed by taking care of one or two (or none!) children that LIFE IS NOT AS HARD AS YOU THINK!  I stressed over silly things and had way more free time than I realized.  Why is it that you can't appreciate these times fully until they are already over?  My feelings back then were legitimate, certainly, but I just wish I could have taken myself for a walk in my current life situation for a little bit to gain some perspective.
The number one thing I am learning how to do (or, better put, learning that I DON'T know how to do) is to admit that I am wrong without having to give some kind of defense or reason for why I did it.  Our church pastor has really challenged me in this area to re-think the way I view myself as a Christian.  I am no less in need of his grace today to save me and renew my selfish thinking than I was 12 years ago when I was recovering from addiction.  Somehow, I thought that since God had helped me change completely, that I had made it to a place where I didn't really need Him as much.  That is not true.  My heart is just as sinful today as it was then, just in more subtle ways.  The difference between my heart before Jesus and my heart after is that after, I was able to understand that he loved me, and His love gave me hope and the desire to love Him in return.  The focus tends to be so much on our behavior, when really, it starts with our heart.

I love to make friends and be a part of the lives of people around me.  It just feels natural for me to reach out to someone new at church or a mom hanging out at the park with her kids.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because there are so many people I know that I'd love to invest more time in, but with having 4 kids, a job, and wanting to spend time with my husband, there isn't enough time to form deep lasting friendships with everyone.  I still try to make the most of the time I have to do that though.

I am a homebody mostly.  I know some people feel energized by getting out and about during the day, but with four kids, getting out of the house is just exhausting to me!  I love to go do things by myself or with a friend.  And Sophie and Sally are getting old enough to where taking them out isn't as stressful (usually).

Even though our family is a size that I am MORE than happy with, as my babies grow up, a little part of me wants to have more babies forever just so we'll always have a little one around.  They are so sweet and precious. (No, we are not going to try to have more kids!)

I feel immensely blessed by my friend Sarah.  This past year she has helped me survive the transition from 2 to 4 kids by faithfully coming to our house twice a week, all day, for no pay just to help me out and be my friend.  She inspires me to serve others selflessly and to give back to others in the same way she has done for me.  Seriously, when she has kids and later on in life and as I am able to as I am older, I plan to help moms out just by going over to their houses and doing laundry, dishes, whatever to give them a break.  It means SO much to me, and I can't wait to be that blessing to others.  I mean, really, how many moms (unless they have paid help) can say they get that kind of break?  It just goes to show that God knows what I need far better than I do and that He blesses me beyond what I could even imagine.

Speaking of God's blessing, you may remember that health insurance and bills from my pregnancy were a concern when I first found out about my pregnancy with the twins.  Well, through the generosity of others, extra unexpected income and through MediShare (a Christian bill-sharing program), I am happy to report that we have paid almost all of our medical bills.  What a testament to God's faithfulness and provision.  Why did I ever even worry?

We have four children, but each pregnancy I have had has been completely unexpected.

I wish I were one of those people who just loved being pregnant.  Pregnancy for me was always a pretty miserable experience (especially my pregnancy with the twins).

I can be pretty lazy sometimes, but with odd things.  For example, I hate getting appliances out and having to clean them and put them back.  We have a food processor, but I NEVER use it unless I have to because I hate to clean it. 

My least favorite chore is laundry.  Completing it feels so much less gratifying to me than getting a room clean.  Maybe that is because laundry can hide out in the laundry room and I don't have to see it pile up.  Oh, and the part of laundry that I am worst at completing is putting it away (right, Sarah!?).

People always say that I seem so easy going, relaxed, and peaceful, but I can get really upset and argumentative with Ryan.  One time (fairly recently), I got so angry I dumped a cup of water on him.  Not my best moment :\  In fact, both of us are very strong-willed and stubborn.

I love having kids, but they do put a strain on mine and Ryan's relationship sometimes.  We agree about the end goal of childrearing, but sometimes our parenting styles are not exactly the same.  It is hard to find a middle ground when there is something we both feel strongly about, only in opposing sides.

Of anything, I worry the most about my children's well-being as they grow older.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally.  I have to remind myself that God is in control and that worrying will not help anything.  I remember times in my life growing up when I questioned my worth or when I bought into a lie about myself or life or God.  I am not sure why I didn't talk to my parents about those things.  Sometimes, it never even occurred to me that there was something to talk about.  I want my kids to talk to me though.  I know they won't always, but it is my prayer that they do as much as possible.

My favorite memories (other than of my children) are of my college days.  Ryan and I were dating, and life was simple and fun.  My relationship with the Lord was new and exciting, and I formed meaningful lasting friendships.  I love SMU and everything about my time there.

Well, if you read all of that, congratulations!  I know it was long.  It was just therapeutic for me to write all this down.  One day, I can read it and say, this was me at age 30!